Archive for I think you need a time out

Does pregnancy make my butt look big?

This morning on the aforementioned PATH train (Pretty Awful Train Hell or any derivation thereof) I saw the most horrendous thing that deserves the biggest time out EVER…

I was seated next to another young woman with a broken toe (she had on a walking cast) and next to her were two able bodied middle aged men.  On the other side of me were more ABLE BODIED MEN.  Enter an extremeley pregnant woman.  NOTE to all men:  you can tell a woman is pregnant when she has thin arms and a gianormous belly.  Did one of them stand up to give her their seat? NOPE.

And not to toot my own horn here (well, ok, maybe to toot just a little) I stood up, pointy toed heels and all and gave her my GD seat. 

Being born with male genitals means you will never have to endure pregnancy and that you will have to give up your seat on the PATH train and be the last on the life raft when your ship is sinking.  Time out to those suits who think they are too good for this.  PS your wives probably hate you too.


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5/2 Barbara “Exciting Times in Washington” Walters

The word is OUT… Ms Walters had an affair with a senator.  A million years ago. 

Promoting her recent book, Audition, Ms Walter’s tells Opes that she had an affair with the first African American to be elected to the Senate.  Is that what you have to do this days to sell a memoir?  Time out, Babs, why would you decide all of a sudden to let the world in on your little secret.  Are you THAT sick and tired of the lesbian rumors?  Because guess what…they are still going to exist.

The real news here is not that she had an affair with a married black man.  It’s that he was a Republican too.  Now, WHAT WAS SHE THINKING?

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4/30 Jonathon “I need a haircut and contacts” Franzen

Time out goes to Jonny for calling Michiko Kakutani the ‘stupidest person in New York City’ during a panel at Harhvardh the other day.  Let’s take a look at their bios pulled from Wikipedia and see who is stupider…shall we?

Franzen was born in Chicago, Illinois, raised in Webster Groves, a suburb of St. Louis, Missouri, and educated at Swarthmore College. He also studied on a Fulbright Scholarship in Germany.

The only child of noted Yale mathematician Shizuo Kakutani, Michiko Kakutani was born in New Haven, Connecticut. She received her B.A. in English literature from Yale University in 1976.[1] After graduation she initially worked as a reporter for The Washington Post, and then for TIME magazine from 1977-1979. In 1979, she joined The New York Times as a reporter.  She is a Pulitzer Prize winning critic for the New York Times.

Sorry Jon.  The mere fact that Michiko learned to spell her name properly as a young child points to the fact that she is no idiot.

Maybe next time you can write a book people actually want to read (preferably not about yourself–hmm?) and she’ll give you a good review.

But probably not.

New York Times critic Michiko Kakutani.VSJonathan Franzen

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4/28 Miley “Don’t drop the sheet” Cyrus

Today’s “I think you need a time out” goes to……MILEY CYRUS.  I mean obvi.  I would love to have Annie L. take my snap shot half clothed too–don’t get me wrong–but I also don’t have my own mega empire through the Disney channel nor am I 15 years old.  Yes, Miley, I see the artistic value in what you did OF COURSE I DO.  But would I have when I was in middle school??  NOPE.  Therein lies the problem.

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